Monday, March 21, 2011

7 Signs You're in a Manipulative Relationship

By Colleen Oakley, MyDaily.com

Christine Donovan knew something wasn't right in her relationship when she didn't want to go home from work. "I felt anxious all the time," she says. "I never knew what kind of mood he would be in, or if I had unknowingly done something that would have upset him." But Christine wasn't in an abusive relationship -- at least none that she had ever seen. "He didn't hit me or get violently angry. I just thought we were having normal relationship problems that we needed to work through," she says.

The type of guy Christine was dealing with is all too common, but there's nothing "normal" about it, says Dr. Mary Casey, author of "How to Deal With Master Manipulators". "Manipulators aim to control their partners by pressing the buttons that get them emotional, whether it be making them feel afraid, unworthy, stupid, insecure, angry or frustrated," she says. But because manipulators are typically passive-aggressive in their tactics, unlike domestic abuse, it can be difficult to tell when you're in a manipulative relationship. "While abuse is obvious, victims of manipulation don't even realize they are being manipulated because the manipulator masks their behavior as positive, caring and nurturing," she says.

 If you're sad more often than happy in your relationship and something feels wrong but you just can't put your finger on it, read on to see if you might be shacking up with a manipulative partner -- and what you can do about it.

7 Signs You Might be Dating a Manipulator:

1. You're always falling short of your partner's expectations.
In an argument, the person being manipulated is often made to feel they are the ones at fault all of the time, says Casey. But what's really going on is the manipulator is shifting the blame onto them and detracting in subtle, hard-to-detect ways. They'll commonly say things like, "So we're going to have the big interrogation are we?" or "Are you going to get all emotional again?"

2. You often feel guilty in your relationship and are always looking to repair the "damage."
The manipulator is skilled at making people feel this way by saying things like "I spent all this money on this gift for you, and look how you thank me" or "You have trust issues -- why don't you trust me?"

3. You don't often know where you stand with your partner.
A manipulative partner often uses concealed or open threats to keep his girlfriend anxious and holding onto the relationship, says Casey. He might use statements such as "I don't even know why I'm here anymore; this isn't working for me."

4. You often feel like you're walking on eggshells around him (or her).
Maybe sometimes you're given lots of love and affections; at other times you're given the cold shoulder for no apparent reason, says Casey.

5. You feel confused in the relationship and keep questioning or blaming yourself for making your partner angry or frustrated. Manipulators are skilled at never being to blame for any problem in a relationship.

6. You're unhappy in your relationship at least 90 percent of the time.
This is a big red flag for anyone in a relationship -- whether you're with a manipulator or not, it's time to reevaluate why you're with that person.

7. You're anxious about telling your partner your plans or about something you've bought. If this is the case, you're most likely being controlled and manipulated, says Casey.


If a few or more of these statements described your relationship, you're likely with a manipulator, and the bad news is, he is unlikely to change.

"Manipulation is a learned behavior -- no one is born with it. It's very much a survival strategy learned from early childhood and therefore changing the behavior is near impossible," says Casey. "Your time is better invested in developing strategies to protect yourselves, because you can never change a manipulator's actions.

In other words, dump the jerk and then look into how you attracted him in the first place. "Women who attract manipulators tend to lack self-worth and assertiveness, and they tend to be people pleasers," says Casey. "They trust to the point of ignorance and therefore do not realize that they are being manipulated until they have been in emotional turmoil for some time. It can often be years before they see the situation for what it really is."

But once you do recognize it, you can put a stop to it. "First, take responsibility and own up to being a victim and a target," says Casey. "Admit your flaws to yourself. And most importantly, get out of the relationship and become who you really are; not something someone else wants you to be."

Colleen Oakley is a freelance writer who is still pretty good at manipulating her dad -- although, he never did buy her a pony. You can find out more about her at her website.


http://www.mydaily.com/2011/03/16/manipulative-relationship-signs-master-manipulator/

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Muslim Wheel of Domestic Violence




The Muslim Wheel of Domestic Violence was developed by Dr. Sharifa Alkhateeb. It conveys some of the ways religion can be distorted to justify abuse against women and children in the family context. It is an adaptation of the Power and Control Wheel developed by the Domestic Abuse Project of Duluth, Minnesota.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

How To Open Pandora's Box

Written By Timothy Sexton, eHow Contributor

The original legend of Pandora's box dates back to the myths of ancient Greece. Pandora was an Eve-like being who was created as the first mortal woman on Earth. In one of his more petty moments, Zeus presented Pandora with the box of a gift that she was never to open, all the while knowing that one of her greatest gifts was an insatiable curiosity. Pandora opened the box and released all the known evils upon the world. Frightened, she quickly shut the box, trapping just one thing inside: hope. Contemporary usage suggests that engaging in something with the power to unleash evil is tantamount to opening Pandora's box, but since Pandora had no idea what was actually inside the box, this idea clearly misses the point.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

    Opening Pandora's Box

  1. Understand that if you follow the myth strictly, then it is impossible to know that you have opened a Pandora's box until after it is too late. To fully apprehend the mythic meaning of opening Pandora's Box rather than the misinformed modern day concept, it is vital to realize that Pandora was completely in the dark about the contents of the box. For this reason, the idea that some sort of progress that contains the potential for unleashing evil upon the world is tantamount to open Pandora's box only makes sense before there is any recognition of this potential.
  2. Be ignorant of the full nature of the box since for Pandora the contents were entirely mysterious. This makes opening a Pandora's box in the contemporary sense more difficult than is commonly accepted. For instance, there are some who would say that splitting the atom opened a Pandora's box because the potential existed for the devastation of the world. Since it was known that nuclear fission had this potential, the metaphor is incorrect. A somewhat more accurate analogy would be the effort by the US to help the Mujahideen rebels to drive the Soviet Union out of Afghanistan. This directly led to the current state of Islamic terrorism so that can be termed opening a Pandora's box due to consequences that were apparently not foreseen.
  3. Shut tight any possibility for hope to beat back the evils that have been unleashed by opening Pandora's box. The fact that hope was trapped inside the box alongside all the evils of the world is perhaps a bit of a puzzle. The lesson to be learned is no matter what kind of malevolence may be introduced into the world at large by opening a Pandora's Box, each of us is capable of possessing individual hope that these things can be contained or even eventually controlled. An additional lesson is that Gods--who dole out human destiny capriciously and often for sport--are inclined to include a shot at redemption, an escape clause, in the worst of human fates.
  4. Go forward with the understanding that the conventional understanding of opening Pandora's box is not entirely accurate. It is only with hindsight that we realize today that the box Pandora opened contained not just evil but hope that those evils could be overcome. This is the reason that the metaphor of opening a Pandora's box is applied anything that contains the potential for unleashing confusion, chaos and uncertainty upon the world. Authentically opening a Pandora's box, however, contains no such expectations because Pandora herself possessed no understanding of whether the contents of the box were good, evil or indifferent. So, technically speaking, to open a Pandora's Box means merely to unwittingly unleash an unknown entity upon the world while keeping the possibility for hope closed inside ourselves.


Read more: How to Open Pandora's Box | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_4793247_open-pandoras-box.html#ixzz1FSNaKQGP